I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
