I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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