The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
