i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
