I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
