I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
