Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
