So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mom said you looked used
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
