just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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