I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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