I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
