Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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