apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
