And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
