with your own penis?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
