when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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