I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
