You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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