I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
