She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
