Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
