haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm really busy with my period
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