Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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