Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
