Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
