I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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