She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
