Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
