you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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