i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
