I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
