You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
