you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
