I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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