Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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