I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
