Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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