Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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