My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
