Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The air was thick with penises
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
