the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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