she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
