I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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