Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize