I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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