In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
