yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
