I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
