why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
