I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
