I got chris browned last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are two peas in an std pod
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
