when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize