Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
