If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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