Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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