why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
