I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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