bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
