Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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