so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
