forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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