Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
