I want to stick my p in your. b.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
