so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
