So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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