I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
