I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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