Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize