Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
