omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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