I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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