Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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