i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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